Thursday, September 04, 2003
When I was in the Pocono’s this weekend I had the most horrifying dream about my brother.
In the dream, all of my friends and family and random people from my life were staying at a condo together. (not much unlike the condo I was at while away this weekend) My brother was home from the war, but he still had on his fatigues and other ARMY getup. We were all having an excellent time together when my brother announced that he was going to step outside for a minute. He left the condo and I went to the window to watch him walk down the stoop. He turns and puts his head against the wall and out of nowhere, this Iraqi looking person runs up behind him, puts a gun to the back of his head and blows it right off. Right in front of me.
I burst into hysterics, but after that everything gets a bit fuzzy. Everyone surrounds me and comforts me and I cry and cry and cry. Moments later everyone goes on with their weekend as though nothing has happened. Every time I think about my brother, I begin to cry again. I can still remember the heartache I felt in my chest. My friends gathered around me and told me that I “just needed to get over it and to move on.” When I kept sobbing, they got a little more forceful about it and said “It’s over. He’s dead. You need to let it go.” The rest of the dream was spent with me sobbing and nobody doing anything to make it any better.
It was horrible.
When I woke up, I was still in the Pocono’s. I immediately told Rita and a couple of other people about the dream and they were incredibly supportive. But still, I have a hole in my stomach when I think about it. Oddly enough, my brother called while I was getting my haircut today. I hate when I miss his call. Especially after that disgusting dream. Ugh…I gotta try to let it go somehow.
Thank God it is almost Friday. My job is wearing me the fuck down. I have NO time for play and it is driving me MADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. Mad with 14 D’s of course. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 19 A’s.
I have been in an excellent mood all week, despite the chaos that is my life. I think I am most happy when I am busy. I have no time to sit around and think about what a sad sack I can be. I work best in overdrive. But eventually the stick will burn out and I will need a break. But for now…I push through with a smile.
Ian, the guy in the show with me, asked me to go out for drinks with him this weekend. I had mentioned it to him a couple of weeks ago and he loved the idea. Last night he says “Joe, do you want to go out this weekend?” Elated, I say “Yeah, sure” (still trying to play it cool). He responds with “It will be our little date”. Immediately I had to shut him out. Don’t be cute with me Ian, or I will immediately fall head over heels in love with you. God, it seems like no matter how old I get, straight men will always be my lust men of choice. They are just so inherently MANLY!
Ian also has this new thing where he pinches me and punches me and slaps me all the time. I guess that’s what straight guys do with other straight guys, but um…I like it too much. Next time he slaps me, I am going to wrestle him to the ground and kiss him on his man mouth. You understand.
Did you hear that Justin Timberlake is the new spokesperson for McDonald’s? The commercials will air in the US starting on September 29th. Get ready for major overload of the Timberlake. He’s going to drive his career right into the ground with this shit. Can anyone say “over-exposure”? Britney did it to herself and now she is lovehated by everyone on the planet. So when Justin starts with his “I’m lovin it” (his catch phrase) nonsense, make sure not to shit directly onto your television. That’s just a mess to clean up.
Peace out jiggaz.
TOMORROW IS FUCKING FRIDAY!
FUCK!
(fuck in a good way)
In the dream, all of my friends and family and random people from my life were staying at a condo together. (not much unlike the condo I was at while away this weekend) My brother was home from the war, but he still had on his fatigues and other ARMY getup. We were all having an excellent time together when my brother announced that he was going to step outside for a minute. He left the condo and I went to the window to watch him walk down the stoop. He turns and puts his head against the wall and out of nowhere, this Iraqi looking person runs up behind him, puts a gun to the back of his head and blows it right off. Right in front of me.
I burst into hysterics, but after that everything gets a bit fuzzy. Everyone surrounds me and comforts me and I cry and cry and cry. Moments later everyone goes on with their weekend as though nothing has happened. Every time I think about my brother, I begin to cry again. I can still remember the heartache I felt in my chest. My friends gathered around me and told me that I “just needed to get over it and to move on.” When I kept sobbing, they got a little more forceful about it and said “It’s over. He’s dead. You need to let it go.” The rest of the dream was spent with me sobbing and nobody doing anything to make it any better.
It was horrible.
When I woke up, I was still in the Pocono’s. I immediately told Rita and a couple of other people about the dream and they were incredibly supportive. But still, I have a hole in my stomach when I think about it. Oddly enough, my brother called while I was getting my haircut today. I hate when I miss his call. Especially after that disgusting dream. Ugh…I gotta try to let it go somehow.
Thank God it is almost Friday. My job is wearing me the fuck down. I have NO time for play and it is driving me MADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. Mad with 14 D’s of course. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 19 A’s.
I have been in an excellent mood all week, despite the chaos that is my life. I think I am most happy when I am busy. I have no time to sit around and think about what a sad sack I can be. I work best in overdrive. But eventually the stick will burn out and I will need a break. But for now…I push through with a smile.
Ian, the guy in the show with me, asked me to go out for drinks with him this weekend. I had mentioned it to him a couple of weeks ago and he loved the idea. Last night he says “Joe, do you want to go out this weekend?” Elated, I say “Yeah, sure” (still trying to play it cool). He responds with “It will be our little date”. Immediately I had to shut him out. Don’t be cute with me Ian, or I will immediately fall head over heels in love with you. God, it seems like no matter how old I get, straight men will always be my lust men of choice. They are just so inherently MANLY!
Ian also has this new thing where he pinches me and punches me and slaps me all the time. I guess that’s what straight guys do with other straight guys, but um…I like it too much. Next time he slaps me, I am going to wrestle him to the ground and kiss him on his man mouth. You understand.
Did you hear that Justin Timberlake is the new spokesperson for McDonald’s? The commercials will air in the US starting on September 29th. Get ready for major overload of the Timberlake. He’s going to drive his career right into the ground with this shit. Can anyone say “over-exposure”? Britney did it to herself and now she is lovehated by everyone on the planet. So when Justin starts with his “I’m lovin it” (his catch phrase) nonsense, make sure not to shit directly onto your television. That’s just a mess to clean up.
Peace out jiggaz.
TOMORROW IS FUCKING FRIDAY!
FUCK!
(fuck in a good way)
